It’s Different This Time

Mama D dressed for her first week at dialysis after hospitalization

I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that my Mother is being kept alive by dialysis.

Without dialysis, my Mom would cross the threshold into the Spirit World within 10 days.

It feels surreal.

What is even more surreal is that she looks so full of life and vibrant, most of the time.

Let’s be real, dialysis is brutal on the body and her heart is being pushed too hard so of course there are days woven in between where the illnesses are apparent when you look into her eyes. There are days that you see the physical suffering in her gaze as she looks out the window at the neighbor’s glorious giant maple tree.

But I mean, I have seen her SO MUCH WORSE.

How can this be?

I don’t think I will ever understand all aspects of this dance.

My mind may not comprehend, but my Spirit does.

I suppose that is the medicine of this experience, learning to be … to witness… to be present without naming, without dissecting … just being in the present moment.

The dance continues…